Halloween, Purim, and the Sad State of US Society
Two superficially similar holidays point the way to improvement
Riots protesting the death of George Floyd, who while high on fentanyl tried to pass counterfeit bills and then resisted arrest, riots supporting transgenderism, and now anti-Semitic riots: something is seriously wrong with American young adults. Bad parenting, bad education, and a positive, burning desire to right wrongs from the past, whether those wrongs are real or imagined, have been suggested as the causes.
As an American living in Israel, I quickly realized that there are profound differences between most Israeli young adults and Americans of the same ages. Israeli young adults are, in general, focused on serving their nation, their community, and themselves. This focus is taught at home, at school, and in the synagogue.
Many American teens are similarly focused. The Mormon (Latter-Day Saints or LDS) teens I knew who spent their high school years working and saving for their missions and then spent a couple of years in a foreign country or a distant US city also had goals and experiences beyond their comfort zone that helped them mature. Christians of other denominations who attended church-sponsored mission trips abroad, participated in disaster relief, or worked on service projects in low-income areas of the USA also matured well, I am sure.
I expect these young adults, who experienced and lived in different cultures and/or different circumstances, grew to be broader-minded than those who went from high school to college to corporate jobs, always within similar social strata. The majority of young adults’ exposure to “different ideas” came from TikTok or whatever other social media platform was popular during their teen years, not from experiencing life independent of their families. This majority, who go from high school to college to their careers, are, by and large, focused on themselves and their futures. Some are terrified that the world will come to a climate-crisis-created end within the next five or ten years, giving them a YOLO outlook: You Only Live Once.
We’ve been told that “Millennials want to serve.” But this appears to be a media twist on a partial truth. They love spouting their love of causes, but their causes tend to revolve around media-hyped left-wing issues and social media-inspired groupthink for issues from George Floyd to transgenderism to Free Palestine. Interestingly, online I could find articles about how they want their employers to support left-wing causes and how they like to talk a lot about these causes,[i],[ii] but little about any actual actions—outside of demonstrating and rioting. In fact, an article from Philanthropy News Digest says, “…they tend to reject the ‘activist’ label and rarely take overt action in support of the causes they say they care about.”[iii]
Giving and Taking
It is easy to blame left-wing college and university professors for much of the behavior and beliefs of young adults. But as my community prepares for the festival of Purim, I cannot help but be aware of differences in upbringing from early childhood that also contribute.
The children’s article about Purim that I published last Friday outlines the holiday and its customs. At first glance, Purim seems similar to Halloween. Both revolve around costumes, goodies, and going door to door.
But that’s where the similarities end. Halloween is about death. Purim is about life: being saved from genocide. Purim also teaches that life is not easy. Choosing life can mean choosing the possibility of death but believing the risk is worthwhile, as Queen Esther, heroine of the Purim story, did. Additionally, Purim is a “giving” holiday, while Halloween is a “gimme” holiday.
This was forcefully brought home to me my last Halloween in the USA, when as a member of the Chamber of Commerce I participated in a “Trunk or Treat” event to which 200 to 300 youngsters were expected. Twenty local businesses prepared booths and simple Halloween-themed activities for the children, to be held in a local hotel. We all brought wrapped candy to give to the children.
The event began a half-hour before schedule because the crowd broke through and flooded the hall. Within a half-hour the candy we had brought was gone. Chamber of Commerce employees raced out and bought all the candy they could find, and the hotel also provided treats. But within another half-hour, that was gone as well. Out of an estimated 2,000 visitors who passed by my booth, not one said thank you.
I had thought cartoons of kids carrying pillowcases was an exaggeration. It was not; most kids carried pillowcases. The crowd also included many single people (some carrying pillowcases) who said things like, “My kids are at their mother’s and will be coming to me tonight,” or “My sons are at sports now.” Adults grabbed handfuls of candy, even when I was running out and said, “One piece only, save some for others.”
But Halloween is not the only “gimme” holiday in the USA. Children make Christmas lists and many parents impoverish themselves to fulfill these requests. My one experience spending Christmas Eve and Day in a Christian home was shocking. The child ripped paper off toys, looked at them, and threw most of them on the pile with the wrappings, then grabbed the next wrapped package.
Even Easter, perhaps the holiest of Christian holidays, has become a “gimme” holiday for a large percentage of American children. Chocolate bunnies, foil-wrapped chocolate eggs and marshmallow chicks are everywhere, as are public and private Easter Egg hunts and lavishly decorated Easter baskets.
All this means that many kids (probably largely those in homes where these holidays are national, not religious, events) grow up in an environment where parents appear to cater to every whim; where every want becomes a need. Treats and material things are thrown at children without requiring any family, social, or civic responsibility. Kids are given “allowances” each week just for being alive. Many working mothers, perhaps dealing with “mom guilt” for being gone long hours, do not even ask their children to do chores; often hired help does everything, or else overworked parents while children sit around and play on their tablets, game consoles and phones.
According to the American Academy of Adolescent and Child Psychiatry, children as young as 3 years benefit from having household responsibilities. “Children who do chores may exhibit higher self-esteem, be more responsible, and be better equipped to deal with frustration, adversity, and delayed gratification,”[iv] according to an article on the AAACP website.
These are exactly the problems for which today’s college students appear to need “trigger warnings”—to be warned that someone is about to say something that might upset them; why “safe spaces” are needed to protect young adults (or perhaps overgrown adolescents is a better term) from new ideas, and why so many appear to get a sense of belonging and success by participating in massive demonstrations for causes they do not begin to understand.
“Adulting,” a term that was almost unknown prior to 2008, tends to be used by those “who find themselves doing adult things for the first time and feeling like an adult,” according to Ben Zimmer,[v] a linguist and author. This term was not needed 60 years ago, when for example my younger sister and I were responsible for planning, shopping for, and preparing meals for the family because my mother and father both worked full time. Two generations before me, my friend’s grandmother had, as a 12-year-old, shepherded her 9-year-old brother across Russia, Europe and the Atlantic Ocean to escape from the pogroms then killing Jews in the region of their birth.
Instead, Americans pamper their growing children, expecting nothing from them, and then are surprised when their children graduate from college and realize work is—well, work and not play—and then decide socialism (which they have learned means citizens get everything they need from the government) is better than capitalism.
I understand that parents want childhood to be fun and that they want to protect their children from depressing information. I believed this was a mistake before I moved to Israel; I believe it even more now. The ultimate goal should not be to raise happy children but rather to raise children who will become responsible adults. Happiness is a choice, as was eloquently expressed in a YouTube video featuring Sapir Cohen, one of the Israeli woman hostages released by Hamas in January.
Growing Up in Israel
Israeli children have grown up with the constant presence of terrorism and war. In spite of this, Israel is consistently listed as one of the ten happiest countries in the world. This seems like an impossibility. But the customs surrounding Purim, the Jewish holiday celebrated this year from evening, March 23 until dark on March 24, are part of the reason.
Purim commemorates the time when a governmentally-sponsored plan to have all the Jews killed did not go as anticipated; a follow-up edict gave the Jews permission to kill everyone who tried to harm them. (Does any other group celebrate not being killed?)
From the beginning, two important customs became part of this holiday. One is to give gifts of money to the poor; the other is to give at least one gift of two types of food to a neighbor. These were commanded by Mordecai in the Book of Esther, 9:22. Commentators explain that these laws were instituted to rebuild unity among the Jewish people, who had been dispersed to all parts of the Babylonian empire after Nebuchadnezzer destroyed the Temple in Jerusalem and forced them into exile.
The story of Purim, the Book of Esther, is read aloud on the holiday. The story is full of hiddenness. Queen Esther does not mention to anyone that she is a Jew. Political actions appear to be incredible coincidences (if you believe in coincidence and not the hand of God). God is not mentioned. However, His presence is almost palpable. We learn from this that God is always with us, even when His presence is not readily obvious.
As part of the theme of hiddenness, children dress in costumes, as do many adults. Following the theme of giving money to the poor, many families make a point to give gifts of food to elderly and shut-in neighbors as well as, or instead of, other friends. And often the costumed children are the ones going from house to house carrying treats: but unlike Halloween, they bring treats to others. They learn the joy that they give by showing off their costumes, and by giving treats to others.
Nihilistic costumes (vampires, zombies, and worse such as those that have been common in the USA in recent years) are virtually unknown, and political masks are uncommon. Reality is too often painful; Purim is a time of joy.
Beyond the Costumes
But Purim customs are not the only reason such a high proportion of Israeli young adults are solid, resilient people. Most have been raised with stories of the hardships of their grandparents and great-grandparents: Holocaust survivors and refugees from Arab countries in North Africa and the Middle East as well as from the Soviet Union, forced to leave everything behind and glad to escape with their lives. And long before the present war, these young adults endured personal losses in the countless wars and skirmishes, terrorist attacks, and missile barrages.
Beyond learning the lessons of Purim as very small children, many Israeli young adults have active volunteer lives. A former student of mine, now in 10th grade, recently became a paramedic. Because she is too young to volunteer on an ambulance (for which age 18 is needed), she does community education teaching CPR and other emergency skills to school children and adults. Her brother, who graduated from high school last year and is now in a pre-military training program, is an active paramedic volunteer on ambulances.
After high school, most boys and many girls serve in the military or do national service. National service is performed by young women, mostly from religious homes where the physical proximity of men and women serving in the army is considered inappropriate. They spend one to two years working (often far from home) as helpers to the elderly, teachers’ aides, residential advisors in group homes for physically, emotionally, and mentally challenged children and adults, and for many other agencies and places where there is a lot of need and little or no funding. They are supervised and live with other service girls, sometimes even when working in their home communities. They get to see a very different slice of life than do American young women of the same age who live protected lives, and their experiences help them grow into generous, giving women.
Prescription
I do not wish war or terror on anyone, but adversity in childhood can help build strength. I strongly believe that the United States as a whole and young people in particular would be far stronger if students did not rush into college or university immediately following high school, but spent two years in the military or in civilian service to others.
Young adults who have been coddled in upper-middle-class homes are as disadvantaged as the poorest from the slums, but in different ways. Children from rural homes with good hearts but no experience with other lives are also disadvantaged. Young people from all these groups make assumptions about the realities of others. But their ideas are generally based on their own narrow perspective, jealousy, and/or pity. They are all easily led by social media, lies, and fast talking.
Church missions and programs like AmeriCorps are available now. I strongly recommend faith-based missions programs over government-funded ones at this time. The latter are unfortunately suspect because I believe that political indoctrination is part of the program. I know from fellow students in my program for ESL teacher certification that the Peace Corps is a major breeding ground for far-left NGO workers of the type that spread lies about Israel and bolster terrorism.
If full-time, away-from-home volunteer programs are not available, I strongly recommend young adults spend two years working at a full-time, paying job. They should be paying their own expenses and saving for further education, not blowing their money on vacations, cars, and Prada handbags. Even waitressing in a local restaurant will acquaint girls with realities that are not found in the classroom.
College tuition costs are at an all-time high. For young people today, the average student loan debt for a bachelor’s degree is around $38,000, according to CNN.[vi] Despite the education and resulting debt, young adults are not satisfied with the results; reports show that “…only about three in ten [millennials] are emotionally and behaviorally connected to their job and company.”[vii] Public school education has been largely co-opted by the left and students are graduating with low levels of general knowledge.
I recently heard a 22-year-old woman describe her career as a welder, at which she is earning $169,000. She had wanted to be a surgeon, but a family emergency meant she ended up in community college, where her priorities changed. As a welder, she uses the same spatial and dexterous skills, but has regular work hours, is never on call, and does not deal with death.
Clearly the relationship between education and employment needs to be reassessed. Part of this assessment should be an evaluation of the mental health issues of overprotected children as well as the unmet social needs of the type that the Israeli National Service Program serves. The time is right and conditions are ripe for a total overhaul of the education-work nexus. A vibrant, broadly inclusive national service program should be a major part of any such reconstruction.
[i] Ewuru, B., The future is fair: how millenials are driving the movement for social good. Goodgrants.com, Sept. 27, 2023, https://goodgrants.com/resources/articles/the-future-is-fair-how-millennials-are-driving-the-movement-for-social-good/#:~:text=Millennials%20have%20grown%20up%20with,moving%20forward%20in%20social%20mindedness., accessed March 18, 2024.
[ii] Which Social Causes & Issues are GenZ and Millennials Most Passionate About in 2023? YPulse.com, Feb. 23, 2023, https://www.ypulse.com/article/2023/02/23/which-social-causes-issues-are-gen-z-and-millennials-most-passionate-about-in-2023/#:~:text=Of%20the%20top%20five%20social,%2C%20and%20abortion%20%2F%20birth%20control , accessed March 18, 2024.
[iii] Millennials Seek Social Change in Their Everyday Lives, Study Finds. PhilanthropyNewsDigest.org, March 16, 2017, https://philanthropynewsdigest.org/news/millennials-seek-social-change-in-their-everyday-lives-study-finds , accessed March 18, 2024.
[iv] AAACP, Chores and Children, No. 125; Updated June 2018 https://www.aacap.org/AACAP/Families_and_Youth/Facts_for_Families/FFF-Guide/Chores_and_Children-125.aspx#:~:text=Research%20suggests%20there%20are%20benefits,%2C%20adversity%2C%20and%20delayed%20gratification., accessed March 17, 2024.
[v] Steinmetz, K., This is what ‘Adulting’ means, Time.com, https://time.com/4361866/adulting-definition-meaning/ , accessed March 17, 2024.
[vi] Luthi, B, Pentis, A., Lowery, K, What is the average student loan debt in 2024—and what are the impacts? CNN Underscored Money, January 23, 2024, https://edition.cnn.com/cnn-underscored/money/average-student-loan-debt#:~:text=The%20average%20student%20loan%20debt%20for%20bachelor's%20degree%20recipients%20was,the%20three%20national%20credit%20bureaus. Accessed March 19, 2024.
[vii] Adkins, A., Millennials: The Job-Hopping Generation, Business Journal, gallup.com, https://www.gallup.com/workplace/231587/millennials-job-hopping-generation.aspx , accessed March 19, 2024.